Take My Heart It's All I Have
by nojudgementjustlove
Summary: Takes places six months after Spencer finds out that Toby is 'A'. One shot!


"_True Love is felonious…. You take someone's breath away…. You rob them of the ability to say a single word….you steal a heart_

_Jodi Pocult, My Sister's Keeper_

**Playlist: The Bear Attack- Shine**

**Take My Heart (It's All I Have)**

The first note on the piano was stark, as though signaling an awakening. It jolted her from her quiet reminiscing.

Now that it had her attention, the notes beckoned to her becoming soft, slightly above a whisper. It emitted with tangibility: she could feel the musician's heartache, their pain, their joy, their happiness, their longings poured onto every single black and white key.

She knew that happiness all too well….

She knew that pain all the more

With her arms wrapped around her legs, her legs under her chin, she watched. She watched as the steady continuous streams of rain collided with each other, how they flowed, not knowing the disastrous end that awaited them at the sill. The rain continued its domination over the day, as the trees danced against the furious beatings of the wind, and the streets lay empty- reflective of the gnawing emptiness of her soul- not a sound, amidst the downpour of the rain, no laughter, and no joy.

Only the grey asphalt and the grey gloomy sky, alone- together.

As she and her thoughts were alone.

There was nowhere to go, no escape, so she allowed the pain of her now unlocked memory to seize her- she allowed them to freely course through her body. There was a something almost pleasurable about the pain; maybe total destruction would be better than what she was feeling at this moment. Maybe the key to her ease was her pain…..?

"_I told you I'd fight for you! I told you I'd never let you go! How could I stand by and let the only person that I've ever loved, be in constant danger and do nothing about it!" he screamed, every iota of his strength filling his word._

"_What you did is unforgivable!" Spencer had screamed back with equal ferocity_

"_What I did was for you!"_

"_I don't even know who you are!"_

_A ton of emotional bricks hit him. It was a day much like today- rainy- and the decreasing volume and intensity of his voice made it barely audible above the torrents outside "I'm the same Toby Cavanaugh you feel in love with Spencer" he pleaded. The vulnerability in his voice made her inside quake but she refused to meet his eyes- they had the power to break her will- so she avoided them at all cost. "That Toby Cavanaugh would have never done this"_

_He had reached out to embrace her, aching to show her otherwise. That however twisted his schemes had seemed that his intentions had been devoid of any malevolent content. _

_He felt his life slipping from his grasp as she pulled away- she was his life._

_She turned her back to him, and let the sobs rattle her body, down to the core of her being._

_And he stood there- lost and defeated_

A portal between the past and the present warped her through time. She was transported back to that moment. It was only when she was snapped out of her reverie by the clapping thunderous sounds outside that she realized that she had been crying. Another crack of thunder and her cries chorused with it.

The lightning illuminated her entire room in one swift flash and she reverted back to the past once more…

_The wind seemed to be abetting in the whole eerie atmosphere that loomed over the night. The wind whistled, unearthing the light debris that littered the pavement._

_Slowly and dramatically, he turned. She fought furiously to steady to her trembling body. The infamous black hoodie caved over his face, casting shadows there, darkening the shade of his eyes._

_Part by part, the face was revealed. She stood in heightened anxiety, refusing to breathe as though it would mar the inevitable outcome._

_And then he was face to face with her .And the world stopped its movement._

_Her eyes saw but her brain refused to comprehend. The database of her mind did not contain this. All she knew of him was in one word: purity._

_Yet here he stood before her, anything but pure._

_His eyes were unsettling, glazed over with a glassy exterior. They were almost lifeless-steely, they seemed to reflect light instead of absorbing them. There was something achingly familiar about him but also contradictorily, unfamiliar. An involuntary surging of bile erupted in the pits of her stomach, her chest constricted, forcing the air to squeeze its way through her lungs, attempting to keep her conscious. As a result, her breath became short, and sharp, as she stood shakily trying to make sense of this shocking revelation._

_Her mind screamed "He's A", yet her lips refused to utter those words, for fear that the world might hear it and make it reality. Yet this was reality. That was Toby. Was it?_

_Those clenched fists were not the same hands that swept over her body, lovingly and with a calm meticulousness._

_Those lips were not the ones that she longed to taste everyday- they were snapped downward in a sneering scowl. _

_His stance, his mannerisms….everything seemed different._

Her whole world had been turned upside down then and it had yet to fixate its position.

Back in the present, Spencer thought about her heart and how though it was created to feel emotions, that, that within its self can be its own destruction. Loving someone can be your saving grace, as it can cause your demise. It can bring unspeakable joy, yet inexplicable amounts of pain. It can catch you and in turn make you fall.

Six months had passed since she found out. One hundred and eighty- two days, four thousand, three hundred and eighty-one hours had passed since she took a proper breath. And he, he fought for her every last one of those days. He didn't give up. Until now…..

_Spencer wasn't surprised to see the face at her door. He was relentless in trying to win her back. She had to admit as time passed and the initial shock wore off, she began to understand his reasons. It was hard to heal from what he had been through- even the gentlest of souls were burdened with darkness. No one was pure evil, as no one was purely good. It was only when she settle and contemplated everything, that she recognized the amount of effort it must have taken him, to be the loving person she sure he was. She found that the hard defense that she had put up against him was slowly melting away. And as he sought to prove himself to her, she was on the verge of letting him in again._

_Opening the wooden door, she was met with a serious Toby. The smile on her face immediately evaporated "What's wrong?" she rasped_

_Pursing his lips, he gestured to come inside._

"_What is it?" she repeated, when she had closed the door behind him. When he didn't answer, and she saw that his face was unmoving, she began to ramble "Is it your parents? Is it something with Jenna? What is it-?"_

"_I'm leaving" he interrupted "I'm leaving Rosewood…. for good"_

_Wide eyed, Spencer looked up at him, her mouth failing to form a sentence. "Why?" was all she could manage._

"_I got a job in Brookhaven, Delaware"_

_Spencer's throat went dry "But that's across state."_

_He nodded sadly, "I know"_

_She had tried to no avail to get him to stay, trying not to sound too desperate. But he had insisted that it was the right thing, for both of them. He thought that he was only bringing pain by remaining in Rosewood. Spencer had known otherwise. As she watched him turned to leave, her heart broke inside of her. She wanted so much, to stop him, for him to hold her. But instead she stood motionless, almost lifeless- watching her life flash before her eyes._

Someone once said that death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live. And there was something inside of her that was aching to live again, as she sat on the chair in her room contemplating whether or not to go to the airport. Rehashing old detail, it was undeniable- she loved him.

She could feel the surging beam of love once more and it cried to be free within her. It took everything in her to stay still, to be the person she was at this moment- broken and defeated. She didn't know it took much effort to be broken, she never imagined it would take such great force not to love him

It was more than the familiarity- feeling safe and comfortable. It was beyond that. It was even when things were not at their best, their passion still survived- their love didn't die.

He was it- the thing her soul had been looking for even before it knew there was something missing

The piece of the puzzle that was needed to complete her

And as she cried relentless into the palm of her hand- the tears overflowing onto her cream t-shirt, all she could remember was _that_ love

And how it ignited her soul

How it made her live

Everything else was obliterated. Everything else became worthless and dim. Everything else fell away

And all she could see was him

Her heart already knew the decision that needed to be made. She convinced her body to move.

Spencer was unsure of how fast she got at the train station. But here she was, running frantically into the sea of people, her jacket fluttering against the wind. Her appearance did not factor in this situation and her hair had been pinned up in a messy bun and she still wore the old cream t-shirt.

Colliding into persons moving in the other direction, she was knocked back a few inches each time. She only continued with a burning fervent, eager to see his face again, praying that he had not already boarding. Was she too late?

A large roaring train blocked her view for a moment. It was a bustle of blurry, swift colors and passing faces, which looked on with expectant eyes as they spotted a love one. When the train had passed, she craned his neck, tip- toeing slightly to get a better view. Hurrying people with their coats pulled tightly around them, bustled and collided with each other as a strange mixture of smells wafted through the already claustrophobic air. Everyone seemed to be having a conversation at the same time, as there was a steady buzz that controlled the atmosphere.

Spencer's eyes scanned the terminal for him, her heart refusing to steady its pace.

Over and over she looked, still not spotting him. She slowly began to give up hope.

_A reflective blue_

Her heart shuttered

There he stood, his bag slung over his shoulders-his eyes filled with a yearning hope.

With her breath caught in her throat, she ran. She ran like she had never run before- with everything that was within her.

Time lapsed into slow motion, her feet felt light beneath her.

He was running too- towards her, his arms already open to embrace her. Nothing else mattered in those moments. Nothing but him and her, and the love that bound them together.

And as he caught her in his arms, she felt whole again.

She wasn't sure of the future, but she was sure that a future without him wouldn't be worthwhile at all.

And for him, for the first time in a long time, he had hope. Not that everything would be smooth and unhindered, but that despite that, despite everything, he would have the person he cared most about in this world by his side.

Kissing in a crowded station, forgetting about the world about them, they let their hearts love again.

_"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu_


End file.
